Happy anniversary, David.
Don't tell me you'd forgotten.
- Well, no, but l... - Nine years, David.
Some better than others, but that is still quite an achievement.
♪ ..chasing a rainbow
♪ All you really need to make rainbows
♪ ls someone who loves you and who's there...
(Rings)
- Claiborne Hotels. Hello. - Jenny, that's your mobile.
- Sorry. Force of habit. Listen. (Metallic ping)
That's my tram, love. l'll be home in a second - promise.
♪ Bells are gonna ring out
♪ Let the sun shine from you
♪ Gotta see what love...
(Phone rings)
Claiborne Hotels. Hello.
lf that was your tram, how come you're answering this phone?
All right, all right. l'm sorry. OK? l promise - l'm on my way. Bye.
♪ They need love
♪ Give them love
♪ They all need love
♪ We need love
l'm sorry - l didn't get you a present. l didn't think...
David, l really think we're beyond that sort of thing. Don't you?
(Panting)
God, l should be getting back.
Not yet.
OK.
Hi.
Hey! Hey. How was your evening?
Good. Yeah, really good.
Who were you seeing?
Erm...just some people from work. We went for a drink.
Oh, yeah. l can taste it on you.
♪ Gotta see what love can do
(Knock at door) - (Mutters) Come on, come on.
PETE: What are you doing in there?
Pregnancy test.
Yeah, right.
Pete, you'd better come in.
- You're joking? - There you go. You look.
l can't. l'm too bloody nervous.
Right, well...sleep well.
Yeah, and you. Good night.
Have you told him yet?
- But you are going to leave him? - Yes, l am. l am.
l just need to find the right time.
Sorry! Sorry.
Thank you very much.
Sorry to have to call you back, but l just...wanted to be sure.
That's fine.
KAREN: Amateur dramatics? - Fringe theatre.
- What's the difference? - lsn't one.
- Fringe theatre? Get your kit off. ADAM: No, you don't.
- Do you? - No, you do not.
She didn't even tell me about the audition.
Because you'd have taken the piss if l hadn't got the part.
DAVlD: ln a minute, boys.
JOSH: Daddy! KAREN: Come on, then. When's it on?
You're not coming to see it, any of you.
lt's really...it's worthy. lt's boring.
And anyway, l get very embarrassed if l think people are watching me.
Erm...do you think you're really cut out to be an actress?
Right, lads, British Home Championships. Northern lreland the last winners.
Pete, it was our ninth wedding anniversary yesterday.
Oh, that's good.
OK, me and Josh against Pete and Adam. Come on.
l mean, it's one thing to be married...
- David, you're in goal. - Yeah, in a minute.
- ..but quite another to be happily married. - What, you two? Oh, you're fine.
ADAM: Hold on! - Through his legs, Adam!
We're not fine. Far from it.
Just...just give it time.
Look, do you want a word of advice?
Yeah.
You've got a better chance of stopping the ball if you stand between the two posts. Yeah?
Thanks, Pete.
KAREN: Are you moving on to wine then, Jen? - No, l'm all right with water.
Finally getting to grips with your drinking problem?
No. l'm just not drinking at the moment. Am l? Am l?
What?
Look, l'm driving, aren't l?
Erm...and...
- l'm pregnant. - Jenny!
- Look, it's early days. We're not telling anyone. - That's brilliant!
Yeah, sort of. l mean, it is. Course it is. lt's just...the timing's not great.
ADAM: Hey!
(Chuckles) Hey! Congratulations, Jen.
Pete, l thought we weren't meant to tell anyone.
l couldn't resist.
Rachel, Karen, Jenny's pregnant!
- We know. - She told us.
- You told them? - They guessed.
- So did we. - How?
Pete said, ''Guess who's expecting a baby.''
Oh, sod white wine. Let's have champagne.
l'll open it. You sit down.
RADlO: You're listening to the Love Doctor on Key 1 03.
- You know the football team Josh plays for? - Mm.
Did you know David's their coach?
- David? - Yeah, apparently they're crap.
He's asked me to give them a hand.
- You? - Yeah. l know football.
- Yeah, but you don't know children. - l love children.
lt'll be fun. First round of the Cup next week.
Well, if you've got nothing better to do...that's good.
Everything OK?
Yeah. Why?
Oh, nothing.
Well, l just...you know. Jenny.
You thought, because l can't have children, l'd be jealous?
Or upset.
Adam, l'm not going to spend the rest of my life in mourning.
lf it's a girl, how about er...Geraldine?
Geraldine. Geraldine. Gerry. Geri Halliwell.
- Oh, no. - No.
Still, there's plenty of time.
So, how's about you and me and a bit of how's-your-father?
Get off, you dirty sod! Come on. l've got to get an early start.
What difference will five minutes make?
Five minutes? Blimey, foreplay an' all.
Well, it's tempting, but... no, l've got an early start.
RADlO: Another great piece of music. Now, let's get back to the phones. Hello, line three.
DAVlD: l hope you don't mind me calling, but...l just need someone to talk to.
Yes.
Well, it's my wife.
lt usually is.
No, no, it's not like that. lt's just that...
You know, l...l did something stupid, and my wife won't forgive me.
But if l could just let her know how sorry l am,
and how much l do love her...
Can't you tell her?
l'm not sure she wants to hear.
Well, she might be listening right now.
No, this isn't her station.
Although, in a strange way, l rather hope she is.
♪ Classical
(Sobs)
DAVlD: Yes, she was much younger than me.
DJ: Well, thanks for calling, and the best of luck. l hope things work out for you.
That's it. Give it a thump. Nice one. There you go.
Use your other foot. Well done, Josh.
Keep going. Look at the ball. Keep your eyes on the ball.
So, what do you think?
Well, going on what's available, 4-2-4, l reckon.
Aren't there 1 1 in a football team?
- Who was that? - Charles Braithwaite.
Here we go - there's a bluey.
Adam...Josh will be in the side, won't he?
David, do you think Michael Owen's dad takes Sven-Göran Eriksson aside
and has a quiet word with him?
Sven who?
l think...l think he's more of a rugger man.
The team will be picked on ability.
Oh, dear.
Whistle, please.
Sure.
What do you think of this one?
Oh, wow! Almost makes me wish l was a lesbian.
lt's meant to be...provocative, but...but not tarty.
Doesn't that depend on how you wear it?
- What about that? - Hi, Rach. Sorry.
You remember Jo, from work?
- Hello. - This is Karen.
- Shopping for Adam? - Oh, no!
No, this is...it's for the play that l'm in.
Where's it on at? The Raymond Revue Bar?
Oi, space cadet. No more swords.
So, how did you get roped into this?
Oh, you know how it is, Pete. Nobody else wanted to do it.
And l thought l might earn some Brownie points with Karen.
- What? What do you want those for? - Oh, you're interested now?
- What? - ln me and Karen.
l tried to talk to you yesterday, but you didn't want to know. l had to seek advice elsewhere.
- What, Adam? - No.
No, from the radio, actually.
- You've not been calling radio phone-ins? - No...just listening.
There's some good advice out there.
- There's one show in particular. - Yeah, l know. The Love Doctor.
- Yeah, that's the one. - Yeah, l was listening yesterday.
Really?
- You called in, didn't you? - No.
- Well... - (Sighs) Oh, David.
- Does Karen know you're doing stuff like this? - God, no.
No, although l did hope she might be listening.
DAVlD: But when l came down this morning, there was no indication that she had.
Well done. David, can you remember to take the car in to be serviced today?
Yeah. Morning, Ramona.
- David. - Would you like a drink?
PETE: So, what were you hoping to achieve?
l don't know. l thought in time she might forgive me my transgression.
(Whistle)
You mean affair?
lt was just the once.
Anyway, she hasn't. She can be very stubborn.
- So, you're still not sleeping together? - Ssh!
ADAM: Get it in! Get it in!
Listen. You had an affair, and Jenny forgave you. How did you manage that?
l got her pregnant.
That's difficult for you, cos you're in separate beds.
- Adam? DAVlD: Hey.
See that kid there? She's really good. Yeah, l have her.
- David and Karen still not doing the business. - Oh, yeah?
- Cos of the affair? - Look, it only happened once.
- Well, you know what you've got to do? - No.
Become the man she always wanted you to be.
What?
Look, when you cheated on Karen, all right, it was just the once,
but you shattered any illusions she had left about you.
Start from scratch. You can't just be the man you were before. Show her that you've changed.
The best way to do that is to become the man she always wanted you to be.
- Wise words, indeed. - Not mine. Jerry Springer's.
- (Cheering) - Shit. Who scored that?
So, what did you say?
l didn't say anything. l just grabbed his tie, pulled him close,
and kneed him so hard in the nuts, they'll have to operate to find them!
Mind you, l was lucky he was a pom. An Aussie would see that as a come-on!
- Oi! Where are you going? - Loo, and then my rehearsal.
- You can't. - l've got to.
Rachel, what about me? l never have any fun.
Stay with Jo. Fun's her middle name.
That's why l tend to use ''Jo''.
- Bye. BOTH: Bye.
- Shall we get another bottle? - Oh, at least.
(Groans)
(TV off)
(Front door slams)
(TV on)
Hi, darling... Hi, Karen.
- Hi. Has Ramona taken the children up? - Mm.
Yeah. Josh was terrific at football.
He scored three goals - two of them at the right end -
and l think Adam might even make him captain.
Oh, that's nice. What is this?
Oh, this is The Spirit Of The Beehive. lt's directed by Eric something.
- Erice. Víctor Erice. - Yeah, that's right.
- Wasn't there anything else on? - No, l got it out on vid.
- Oh, right. Didn't you realise it was in Spanish? - Yes.
But, David, you hate foreign films. All those subtitles.
Well, l liked Tora! Tora! Tora!
l thought l might try something else, just see what l've been missing.
Right. So, tell me.
What do you think?
l think it's superb.
lt's a little bit confusing, but it's definitely...definitely a masterpiece.
- Would you like to watch it with me? - No, l've seen it loads of times.
l'll go and check on the twins.
You enjoy it, though.
Oh...
(Sighs)
David, do you want me to...
iDios mío! El Espíritu De La Colmena.
- What? - This film, David, is brilliant! l love it.
Turn it up.
One-nil!
All right, mate?
RACHEL: Paul, we don't live in an ivory tower.
- We live in society. - Society? Society can go to hell!
All know is that l want you, and l don't care if you're my sister.
DlRECTOR: No, no, no, that's not it at all.
- Look... - Yeah.
Let me show you. Right, you say your line. Then you rip open Martha's blouse.
You grab her and express everything that's been building up inside of you. Like this.
Oh!
- Oi, oi, oi! What the bloody hell's going on? - Adam!
What are you doing here? l came to pick you up. l'm not the only one.
- We're in a rehearsal. - Oh, well, don't let me stop you.
Anyone else what to take a pop at her? The guy on lights?
- l think he's gone out for his tea. - You said it was a musical.
There are songs.
What, The Hills Are Alive With The Sound Of Humping?
- ls this your boyfriend? - No, l'm her husband.
Are you married?
- You didn't tell them? - lt didn't crop up.
Could you do this later? l'd like to get on.
l'm not surprised. You had your tongue down her throat.
Rachel, they're taking the piss. The play is crap. lt's an excuse to grope you.
- Actually, maybe we should call it a day! - That suits me, you bollocks!
Come on, we're leaving. Cover yourself up. Come on. Hup-ho!
l am so sorry. l'm really sorry.
Hi. Can l help?
lf you can recommend a hotel.
l can recommend 1 5, actually, dotted around the world.
None in Manchester, though, l'm afraid. Not yet.
Claiborne. l've never heard of them before.
Oh, well, remember the name.
We're a young, expanding chain of boutique hotels.
Boutique? You mean small rooms?
No, no, l mean small hotels.
Small enough for our guests to still feel like individuals,
with the highest standards of comfort and service.
You sound like a brochure.
Yeah. Do l? Well, there you go.
Take that away with you. lt'll be like having me in your bag.
So, have you ever stayed in any of these hotels?
No, actually. l can't even afford the breakfast, to be honest.
Well, l could probably rustle up enough for a continental.
Your boss should send you to one, so you can speak from experience,
not quote the brochure.
Well, thank you so much for all your useful tips and advice.
- Have you got any business here? - Owen! l didn't know you were in town.
Jenny, you should have told me Mr Claiborne was here.
Sorry. That was unfair of me. Owen Claiborne.
- Jenny Gifford. - l know.
Oh, my God! Have you heard of me?
No.
- l can read. - Ah.
So, which hotel would you pick? Stockholm? Paris?
Reykjavik?
Maybe Rome.
So, did you enjoy the rest of the film last night?
The Beehive thing? Yeah, it was very good.
(Ramona snorts)
l did doze off a bit towards the end.
Hello? Halfway.
And he snored so loud, that even l had to read the subtitles.
Well, it's not due back till later. You can watch the rest tonight, can't you?
(Dully) Yeah. l'll certainly look forward to that.
- Tickets? - Yeah.
- Er...passports? - Yeah.
- Condoms? - What?
- No, we don't need those, do we? - No, we don't...
because l'm not going to have sex with you.
- l'm joking...maybe. - Eh?
OK, seat belt. Mind your fingers.
Where to?
Rome, please.
Listen. Thanks for looking after Adam.
l am his godfather. Besides, l like having him around.
ls Rachel all right with it?
Rachel? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, she's great.
Er...no. No, we had a row.
You're a complete bastard! Why did you embarrass me?
Good to know you can still be embarrassed, acting like a tart.
Yeah, acting - it wasn't real.
- Well, it looked very convincing. - Did it?
You're unbelievable. l want you to give it up.
- No, l will not. Why should l? - Because l want you to. lt's not...becoming.
Oh, what? And running round with small children is?
- What? - Your football team.
- Why are you doing it, Adam? - Because David asked me to.
Bollocks! We can't have children - end of story.
And you know what? Thank goodness.
Because if truth be told, having children is just pressure to conform.
You know what l've realised? l don't even like children. They're so...so childish.
Don't worry. She'll be fine. Deep down, she really likes the lad.
How deep down?
Miss you. Miss you.
- Bye! - Bye!
JENNY: Bye. Bye.
lt's only for one night, eh?
CHlLD: You're rubbish at football.
- Yeah, rubbish. - You play like a girl.
So, who are you here for?
Sorry? Oh, Adam. Adam Gifford.
Oh, yeah. l think l've heard Samantha mention him.
ls he your only one?
No, he's...
No, he's not. No, we've got a little girl as well.
l think two's a lovely number.
One's fine, but two feels like a proper family, doesn't it?
Yeah, it does, yeah.
Oh, and they get on so well together, Adam and er...Rebecca.
Oh, hello, tiger! Hello. lt's me. l'm collecting you today.
Hello. You must be Rachel.
Yes, l am.
That's not a problem, is it?
Oh, no, it's just Jenny said you or your husband would collect Adam,
and, well, we have to make sure that they don't go off with anybody strange.
Thanks! That's great.
OK, bye-bye.
Come on. Let's go.
Our car's this way.
So, where do you want to go first?
St Peter's Square? Trevi Fountain?
Oh, ho, ho! Or AS Roma's ground?
Give us the map. Come on.
You look like a tourist.
l am a tourist.
Oh, God. What is going on?
Well, it looks like a convention of very dull people.
Actually, yeah. They're insurance. l'm gonna see if l can't do something.
Go and have a nose round outside. Give us half an hour.
What?
- Actually, Pete, give us an hour. - Jen!
The dragon raised his ugly claws and swiped at little Adam.
Adam struck a mighty blow.
The dragon gave out a terrible roar and fell lifeless to the ground.
The people cheered, and that's how a four-year-old boy
became the youngest king that Made-Up Land ever had.
And you missed the end of the story.
ADAM: You know, l think l could write kids'books.
- Have you cleaned the bathroom yet? - Oh, later, OK?
Before l have a bath, please. l don't want to share it with Subbuteo men and a squirting frog.
Just put them on the side.
You were the one who wanted to play Happy Families.
Rachel!
Well, l don't know, Karen. lf a husband cheated on me, l'd kick him out.
Hell, l'd kick the shit out of him.
lt's different if you've got children, Jo.
l'd wait till they were in bed.
Listen, l have not forgiven him. l just let him share the house.
He doesn't bother me, l don't bother him.
- Well, it all sounds perfectly civilised. - Yeah, it is.
ln that way the English have of being hateful to each other.
Oh, hello. The talent's just arrived.
- Don't fancy yours much! - (Laughs) You're the married woman!
- What are you doing? - l'm just being pleasant.
Listen, l didn't come out to pick up men.
Well, l didn't come out with that intention, either.
Oh, my God! They're coming over.
So? Oh, they're not bad-looking.
One of them. You take the other one.
- Ramona, have you any idea where Karen is? - Yeah, she go out with a friend.
Oh, great. l got this for two.
Oh?
And, um...you'd be welcome to share it, if you like.
Thank you. Mm. What is it?
lt's Chinese. Karen's favourite.
Oh, David, l'm so sorry.
- What, you don't like Chinese? - Yeah...
''O Chatterton! how very sad thy fate...'' ls this yours?
Pl-ease.
Mm. Mmm. Delicious.
Hi.
- How do l look? - Late.
No, no, you look lovely.
- Oh, l got you a drink. Juice. - Ta.
Come on, l don't want to be late for dinner.
What was that problem about earlier?
Oh. The hotel was overbooked.
Them insurance blokes weren't best happy.
- l presume you saved the day. - l did. lt wasn't easy.
Listen, Pete, listen to me.
- You don't mind moving to a single, do you? - Eh?
l know. lt's just they need the doubles, OK, love?
- And we'll be right next to each other. - Bloody hell, Jen!
- l know. l know. - Well...
Well...yeah, all right, l suppose so. But at least we've still got the evening together.
- Nice, romantic meal for two. - Buonasera.
Um, everybody, this is my husband, Pete.
Jenny, come and sit down.
(Mutters) Sorry.
PETE: Oh, really? MAN: Oh, yeah. You can insure anything.
David Beckham's legs. Shirley Bassey's voice.
You can even insure against insurance claims.
Clive. Clive!
Oh!
Tell Peter about the secondary insurance market.
- Sorry. - lt's fascinating stuff.
- Clive? - (Mouths)
Clive! The secondary insurance market.
What you were telling me about at Luton last year.
TANNO Y: And United veteran Pat Crerand presents the Manager of the Month trophy to...
- Adam Williams! - (Cheering)
Thanks, Pat. Thank you very much. Thanks very much.
(Crowd roar)
(Mouths)
Do you want to come and see the game tomorrow?
What?
(Doorbell) - l'll get it.
lt's a Cup tie.
Adam, l am rehearsing tomorrow.
Justin. Hi. Come in. Come in.
You weren't expecting me tonight, were you?
No, no, no. lt's actually your husband l was wanting to talk to.
l've been thinking about that scene you caused at the theatre.
- lf you think l'm going to apologise... - There it is again.
What?
l don't know. Je ne sais quoi.
A certain...aggression.
Hostility. Brando had it. James Dean had it.
Tell me...have you ever considered acting?
Let it be known that l am only here as a favour to you.
Duly noted. Now, go have fun with your guy. l need some room to manoeuvre.
(Both giggle)
(Front door shuts)
You heard him, Rach. He said l was Brandoesque.
No, he didn't. He said you were hostile and aggressive.
- Like Marlon Brando. - Like...a football hooligan.
Oh, yeah, my football. Could prove tricky if we have a long Cup run.
- lt's only one line. - Ah-ha-ha-ha...
Adam, Adam, let's get this straight.
He's only offered it to you because somebody has dropped out,
we're on in a few days and he wants to make sure that l do it.
Now, now, Rach. Professional jealousy. Not very attractive.
Though you might be able to use it.
David. Date for your diary, mate.
Oh, my God.
(Music blares)
Listen, l think l'm gonna go after this song.
What?
l said l think l'm gonna go after this song!
- l'll get my jacket. - No, it's all right, mate. Listen, l'll get a cab.
Great. Back to your place, then?
Look, l'm married. l'm not into threesomes.
What?
- l said... (Music breaks)
..l'm not into threesomes!
(Music resumes)
(Mouths)
- Morning. - Morning.
Ramona, thanks for doing that.
You were back late. Not that that's a criticism, of course.
- Was it a good night? - Yep, thanks. Very nice.
l just feel a bit rough, that's all.
Well, you know how it is.
O for a draught of vintage! that hath
Cool'd a long age in the deep-delved earth,
Tasting of Flora and the country green,
Dance, and Provençal song,
and sunburnt mirth!
That's Keats.
l know it's Keats, David.
l'm just surprised you do.
Well, you know how it is.
l thought l might, you know, just broaden my horizons a little.
l mean, you've embraced my interest in wine...wholeheartedly.
l thought l should start to appreciate some of the things you like.
Well, l'm almost impressed.
(Softly) Thanks.
- Hiya. - Hello, love.
Sorry l didn't come down to breakfast.
l still feel a bit sicky, to be honest.
- Do you? - Yeah.
So where do you want to go today, eh?
l've been to St Peter's Square.
lt's a square, really.
Did you go in the church?
Never crossed my mind.
Er...and the Coliseum.
l don't mind going a second time.
Sorry, love. Listen, l've got to finish this.
Well, what... Jen, what is that?
lt's a report for Owen. lt's just my thoughts on the hotel an' that.
Aren't you taking this too seriously? You'll be giving up work in six months.
Only for a few weeks. Maternity leave.
But when Adam was born, you had three years off.
Yeah, well, l'm not making that mistake again. l mean, one shite job after another until this one.
Hang on. lt was you who said how important it is for a mother to be around her child.
Yeah, l said that before l had one, didn't l?
Come on, it's about striking a balance, Pete.
- Well, who's going to look after him? - l dunno. We can get some help, can't we?
Bloody old Ramona can do a job share or something.
lf you're so worried about it, why don't you give up your job for a while?
- Me? - Yeah.
Look, l've got to finish this. We haven't got long.
Go and enjoy yourself, all right?
Send my regards to the Pope.
Good afternoon.
Do you think it's unreasonable to want sex three times in one night?
He was hot, though. Karen thought so, too.
- Karen? - Mm-hm.
What...? ln a nightclub?
Mmm.
But... Well, she's a married mother of three.
Well, they don't encourage people like that, but they don't bar them either.
OK, this is it, guys. And girls.
The first round of the Greater Manchester Under 7 s Cup.
You lose today, you go home.
Exciting, isn't it?
Where would you rather be than right here, right now?
lt's a rhetorical question.
Doesn't matter. Remember what l've told you.
Run your socks off, tackle hard and don't pick the ball up.
Unless you're the goalie. And it's in the penalty area.
Our penalty area.
OK, you're winners now. Let's keep it that way.
Well, go on, then.
Thanks for playing Josh.
The team was picked on ability, David.
Although he was lucky Lucy Hick has chickenpox.
(Whistle)
ADAM: From the start. Come on, blues, get stuck in.
Come on, Didsbury Devils!
- Hiya. - Oh, hi, Pete.
- How was Rome? - Oh, er...great.
- So, what's the score? - They've only just kicked off.
One-nil.
Considering you were there one night, you sure had a lot of dinners.
- l can explain this... - You're not really suited to this job.
- Are you, Jenny? - Am l not?
You're clearly far too intelligent to just be answering the phones all day.
l do a bit of typing an' that.
l need a new PA.
- A secretary? - You'd have one, yeah.
You'd sit in on meetings with me, help plan strategy, that kind of thing.
lt's longer hours, more money... based in New York.
- lt's up to you. - New York?
♪ New Yo-rrrrrrrrrk!
(Whistle)
No, no, no, no, no, no!
(Groans) No, the other way!
- What is the point? - Hard luck.
DAVlD: Ohh! Hard luck.
- That is useless! - Don't worry.
Come on, get at it!
Wake up!
Get up, get up, get up!
DAVlD: Keep going.
(Cheering)
(Groans)
- Good goal. - Yeah.
- No way is that kid six. - Maybe he's Nigerian.
- What? - They have 20-year-olds on youth teams.
But with no birth certificates. They're very good.
- ls that of any relevance? - l was only saying.
So er...you and Karen getting jiggy with it yet?
Really!
l'll take that as a no.
There have been some encouraging signs.
- Really? - Yes.
l took Adam's - well, Jerry Springer's - advice,
and recited Karen some poetry this morning.
- She seemed quite impressed. - Oh.
Hey!
That's good. So you know what to do next.
- What? - Go for it.
No, l don't think so.
The bedroom door is ajar. Push it open.
Oh, shit!
Language.
Kids here.
Rach. l thought you didn't want anyone coming to see this play.
Only Adam. But now he's in it.
David says he'll come.
- Does he? - Mm. And Jo.
That it sounds like it might be quite a laugh.
l hope not. lt's a tragedy.
l'll book you seats together, all right?
Excellent. Thanks, Karen. Bye.
Come on, poppet.
ln the bath. ln the bath.
- Karen? - Yep?
- Can l have a word, please? - Course you can.
What's this?
What?
Don't be cross, OK?
You know you can say anything you want to me.
l don't think you're being very fair to David.
Pass that bottle over, Ramona.
The wine.
And l think you're drinking too much.
Right, when l said you could say anything...
- ls there anything else you wanted? - No.
l just don't think you're very happy, Karen.
(Mockingly) Ooh, do we think l'm not happy?
l'll have to substitute our centre-half.
- Why? - He won't stop crying.
lt wouldn't be so bad, but he's taking our winger out as well.
(Half-time whistle) - Thank God for that.
Adam...can l have a quick word?
Um, it's a bit embarrassing but...the parents feel that we'd better dispense with your services.
- What? - You know...
- Twelve-nil. - But it's only half-time.
Yes, well, half the team are in tears and half of them are just plain scared of you.
And the feeling was that if l was in charge,
doubtless we'd still lose but at least they'd enjoy it.
l'm sorry.
Hi, Joshy. Well played!
PETE: You should have seen the look on Adam's face.
lt was the only game l've ever been to
where the manager got sacked halfway through.
- Here you go, love. - Ta.
TANNO Y: Dr Ferguson to Maternity.
Why do you think they've got a picture of New York up there then?
l dunno.
l got offered a promotion today, Pete.
lt's all right. l didn't take it.
Good job.
Yeah, it bloody well was.
lt's exciting this, innit?
Yeah, it is.
- Anything good on? - Ballet.
Oh. Mind if l join you?
Be my guest.
JUSTlN: From the top!
Why shouldn't l live with my brother?
(Whispers) lt's your line.
l know. l'm acting. Actually, Justin, l had an idea there.
- Do you mind if l try something? - Yep, that's fine.
Cue me again.
Why shouldn't l live with my brother?
No reason.
Except, of course, it's a one-bedroom flat.
Nothing wrong with that.
But people might talk. Friends, neighbours, family.
Especially family. Have you really thought it through?
Let's stick with what's there. Without the pause.
- From the top! - Fine.
- Why shouldn't l live with my brother? - No reason.
- You see? No-one cares. - Oh, Rob, l don't know.
- Don't you love me? - Yes, l do, but...
Think of what we'd be giving up. l do, all the time, and l can't bear it.
JUSTlN: You sound like you don't give a toss.
Look, l'm sorry, but you never nail that line.
Have you really thought what Martha's going through?
This is a woman who, above all else, wants to be a mother.
But she won't ever be able to have children. Think about that.
OK? All right?
Let's do it again.
From my line, Justin?
l've managed to unearth something a bit special.
- Why shouldn't l live with my brother? - No reason.
You see? No-one cares.
Paul, l don't know.
- Don't you love me? - Yes, l do, but...
Think about what we'd be giving up.
JUSTlN: l do, all the time.
l...
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
lt's just that l so wanted to have children, Adam.
- l know. l know. - Adam, Adam. That's better.
Maybe too much. Lose the tears.
Justin...
- Will this be your first one? - No, he'll be our second.
- He? - Well, it's just a feeling l have, you know.
l got our first one right, after all.
So did half the people who guessed, you knobhead.
- Oh, he's tiny, isn't he? - Yeah.
And he's got your eyes.
(Jenny laughs)
l'm sorry.
There's no heartbeat.
(Ballet music continues)
- What are you doing? - Kissing you.
- Well, don't. - l thought you wanted to.
David!
Come on, Karen. There's been a change.
- What? - ln me. You said so yourself.
You know, the Keats, and that Beehive thing.
David, four lines of poetry and a Spanish film does not constitute change.
- Come on, Karen, it's a start. - David, get off!
For God's sake! The fact that you think you've changed shows that you haven't!
You are so transparent!
l'm sorry. l'm sorry.
But, please, please...can you just... Things are fine as they are. They're fine.
Just...
Just don't spoil everything.
(Exhales)
Sorry.
l don't know what came over me.
That was so embarrassing.
Has my make-up run all down my face?
We can have children if we want, you know.
You mean adopt?
The word is out there.
- l've thought about it. - So have l.
You didn't say anything, either.
Well, you might not have been keen.
l am.
l'm Roy Keane.
Well...l'm keen, too.
Well, that's that, then.
Shit.
Shit, indeed.
Usually when something's wrong, your body expels the foetus
and you know you've miscarried.
But, in your case - what's called a missed abortion -
the foetus has died but remains within the womb.
What do you mean, no heartbeat?
- You must have missed something. Try again! - The heartbeat would be very clear.
And the foetus is far too small. lt stopped growing a few weeks ago.
l'm very sorry.
Um...
l...l'd like to see him again, if that's OK.
- l haven't made a mistake. - No, l know. l just...
l want to see him again, please.
(Switches on monitor)
l'll leave you alone for a moment.
LEADlNG MAN: God, you're so beautiful.
RACHEL: Paul, Paul, l've wanted this... since we were children.
- l thought he was meant to be Rachel's brother. - He is.
- Then... - lt's incest, David.
Ssh.
- Eugh! - Ssh.
RACHEL: Just think of what we'd be giving up.
At least it was mercifully short.
lt's only the interval, David.
Oh, God.
- l need a drink. - l need several.
l'm sorry, they're taken, those two.